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I've been with the same partner for 27 years now. We have been married for 21 of those. He's incredibly selfish and just outright mean. He yells at our children. He will say they look fat, stupid, are stupid, etc. For me, he does a lot of the same. Adding to it I'm recently disabled (about 17 months ago) requiring a wheelchair and/or a cane among other things. He says I embarrass him with these things. To be completely transparent, I'm miserable with this person, yet I have no way out. He knows it too. I'm still waiting for disability insurance to be approved.
As a disabled person I'd need someone to help me get around, help me bathe, help me dress, the list goes on and on. I'm so completely miserable
I've thought about ending my life to the point of completely planning it out. I even included a method of discovery without my children seeing the discovery of me.
I don't know how to make this feeling of misery better, or at least tolerable. One of the worst things he's done, is he slept (had sex) with my mother, because I'm unable to have sex with my ailments, I have sexual dysfunction. Instead of being supportive, he just goes out and gets sex elsewhere. A good partner wouldn't do that. Yes, I realize sex is very important to some, but it doesn't excuse his actions or treatment of me. I feel like a burden and he really treats me as such.
I'm lost please someone give me advise.
Sincerely,
Lost & Miserable
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You are not a burden and you are worthy of love and don't deserve that type of treatment. Some people turn real sour over time and do everything to make everyone around them feel the same way. Trust me your husband is miserable inside, the way he treats you and your children is the way he feels about himself and his life. When someones talking to you, they always have personal feelings involved, even if it seems like they only talk about you.
As you know, you need to leave this guy. You shouldn't give him any more of your inner peace.. he's a loser. He's basically stealing your energy.
Can you stay with a friend, family (besides your horrible mother...), your children, until your checks get approved?
Until then, ignore him and when he's being emotionally abusive, remember that he's doing that because HE IS MISERABLE AND WANTS TO TAKE YOU DOWN WITH HIM!!! Please don't allow him to do that.
I don't know there probably are jobs that you can still do. Please don't give yourself up this easy. Trust me once he's out of your life, you're gonna be less stressed, peaceful, comfortable solitude.
I'm sending you lots of love and inner peace, confidence, victory and strength🩷
ReplyI truly can't thank you enough, I never considered the reality of what you're saying here. ❤️
ReplyI'm sorry. He probably tricked you and acted like a decent person before you guys married too, that's the really sad thing about it. Boy will be boys, right?
ReplyYes, he did. He was a very different person before.
ReplyThat's exactly what my dad did to my mom. She's so miserable she can't even be herself with him. All cuz of that 1950s lifestyle that both their grandparents taught them. Now me and my brother can't even find a woman cuz we were so brainwashed by how things were from a very long, too long ago thing. It's messed up. I just think it's all really stupid. That's why I don't date men cuz at least I know a woman will show her true colors and not be afraid of exactly how flawed she is. Cuz it comes out. As soon as women start feeling comfortable and not subjected to act feminine all the time, it becomes real. Men show you their real self after like 2 years of being married. They wanna make sure you're trapped with them first.
ReplyThe accuracy of this hits so hard. My mother has been married and divorced three times. Each time it was because she became incredibly unbearable for the spouse, she would demand things like std testing and such just randomly. Turned out she had multiple affairs on each of her husbands. I was raised by an incredibly toxic person which I only realized as an adult. My husband is a very toxic person, very much like my mother. If only I'd seen this side long ago.
ReplyI'm so sorry. I love you, stranger
ReplyHow kind of you to say, oddly it made me feel valued, as you said I am a stranger to you. Thank you!
ReplyOur bodies are nothing more than a vessel for doing good, wicked or evil, which all comes forth from our soul, and sadly can create toxic dysfunction in a marriage. Hopefully your children will help you out of this situation if it does not improve over time. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus.
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