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Where do i start. I decided to write down my thoughts online because I don't know where else to write them. I've grown some fear when it comes to talking to my partner about how I feel, due to the fact that most of the time she would judge me and get mad at me for them. So here I am. Recently I've started to overthink, I've started to fear the worst, and I've started to stress out. My girlfriend, Her and I, we are long distance, Countries apart to be exact. That never stopped us from visiting each other, she was the first to visit me, then I went to visit her. It's been a roller coaster for 8 months. We've had our ups and downs, the usual like every other couple. Some rough patches, some tougher than others, but we got through them. Eventually as i fell more and more for her, I started to overthink about losing her. We took our first break about a month ago due to my overthinking, and when we reunited, everything was great. I felt confident and I had lost my insecurities. I read books on self-growth, and I started going to the gym. Our relationship felt strong. Recently however, there has been this guy that has shown up, they are online friends. Apparently they go way back, specifically to 2018. This same guy has been messaging her daily and she messages him daily, I've asked her about him because i don't like the guy personally. I never met him, but the vibe I felt when she showed me a dm with him just bothered me, it reminded me of how her and I text, except that I'm her boyfriend and not some friend from 2018. I got over it 2 days later, and then she told me that the guy offered to marry her in some video game? That same gut wrenching feeling came back. Apparently it gives some sort of in-game buff. I thought it was stupid that he wanted to marry her just for some buff, because to me that marriage meant everything, similar to how i want to marry her someday. It should also be mentioned that me and her got married in this game too, and then she broke the bondage of our marriage in-game when we took a break. Now she asked me if she could marry the guy and I expressed my discomfort with him and gave her the answer "I'd prefer if you didn't marry him". That's besides the point however, I recently have noticed that she hasn't really been spending time with me. The times we did spend together she would still text the guy. She still does as I write this. Last night was a bit hurtful too, I wanted to spend time with her, but she just spent it with that same guy. She told me we would get through a part of the video game together, but she ended up doing it with the guy instead. It made me feel replaced and left behind. So I went to bed. This morning I asked her if we could spend time together, she said she couldn't she was working on a project. I understood and let her work on it. Then she told me she had a break, and so she went to play with her friends and of course that same guy, shortly after telling me no, we couldn't spend time together. I went to the gym again after, like I always do, except this time I went with a feeling of emptiness and anxiety. It almost feels like it's a chore for her to text me, She tells me to not worry about him, she only loves me. But why does she spend more time with him? Why won't she spend it with me? Why can't she understand that he just bothers me. I still feel anxious and I might be overreacting, but this is the first girl I've ever seen myself having a future with, and I think she underestimates the amount of anxiety this brings me.
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Man, honestly dont tell her anything just go radio silent. See if she even cares enough to check in, if she does be honest about how little time your spending together and how hurtful her bond with this other guy is. If she verbally abuses you and judges you for any emotional pain you show, you maybe should think about going your seperate ways.
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