What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
i remember seeing on a screen, an experience that i went through
my personal experience, displayed on a screen in a different setting but still the same situation
a boy, a young man being sexually assaulted
i cried to it. for those characters experienced the same thing which i had. and when i saw jokes being made of those scenes, i wanted to vomit
the comments and jokes being made of that trauma held a twisted grip on my mind
was that what i would be deemed now? a joke to poke fun at by the people i share my trauma with?
if i told my story, would they poke fun at me too?
would i be not considered a man anymore?
it didnt go all the way, i still have that innocence
but i will never forget the touches and unwanted caresses
i never fought back. i never outright refused. but the gods know i didnt want it
i cant help but feel ashamed of these parts of my past, knowing its happened to me several different times with several different people
seeing the reaction of the media to a man being caught in a situation like that, it convinced me that im not allowed to cry about it
im not allowed to because then thatll give people more reason to call me a girl
i had a reoccuring wish: that i wasnt easy on the eyes
i wish that i wasnt androgynous looking, that i wasnt appealing to people
i like how i look, its comfortable. its me
but maybe, just maybe if i looked different. if i were ugly looking then i wouldve had a full childhood
if i didnt look how i looked, would i have not been sexually assaulted?
i wonder if i hadnt been made a victim on different accounts and with different assailants, could things be different for me?
could i love without fear?
i remember when i told someone of what happened
i wasnt taken seriously
they jabbed a joke at me, and asked if my attacker was attractive
that night i curled up in the middle of my room next to an empty orange bottle
its truly the most terrifying of things, being in an inescapable situation such as that
a classmate, a friend, an uncle, and a stranger
i cant engage in physical touch normally anymore
i cant look in the mirror without seeing my face distort and change and twist into something that isnt me
i cant look people in the eye anymore without panic
never did i tell anyone how i truly felt. never have i properly processed what had happened to me in full seriousness
it was a sad thing, when it first happened to me. because i didnt even consider what had happened to me as a proper assault
i didnt think it was bad enough for me to label it such a thing
but it was
it was real. and it was just as bad as i hoped it wasnt
i wish i looked different.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
im sorry that we ever met
i dont think i could ever consider dating you its a terrifying thing to me, not that i think i couldnt do it what i fear is what id do to you if we did...
-
card games
i always loved card games in its own way, card games are like a tradition, a culture passed around with people that we love or care about card games live in...