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As a child I was sexually abused by a family member. It started when I was in second grade and it stopped in fifth grade when I got my first menstrual cycle. For the longest time I couldn’t come to terms with what happened. I even asked myself if it was possible for a girl to rape another girl or if it was even rape if she was an underage. My abuser was in high school at the time of the abuse. I remained close to her after the abuse, she controlled who I was friends with, who I could be out with, and even my love life when I got to high school. I finally told my siblings about the abuse, but I avoided telling my oldest sister because she is my abusers mother. Years later my oldest sister found out, we were all on a family trip, and my abuser decided to pick a fight with me which one of my siblings came to my defense, calling her a rapist. I have been suffering since that trip, and at the time my oldest sister said she wanted nothing to do with her daughter, but later on I found out she still fully supports her, she’s even paying for my abuser College tuition. My sister even went as far as spending Christmas with her and new years. I felt as if I couldn’t get mad at her because my abuser is her daughter, but my sister won’t even let me spend time with my nephew, she told him that she feels as if I’d accuse him of something. I know my sister holds animosity towards me, but I can’t tell why. It wasn’t my fault her daughter abused me for years, but I can’t even be with my nephew? I feel as if she blames me for her family falling apart, but I did nothing, yet I blame myself too.
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If this keeps playing on your mind see a therapist and you will get the help to get past this.
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